N Thursday, February 09, 2006
"only you have the power"i dunt knw huw to go about typing out all my thoughts and feelings this time. theres alot of things in me now that i wish to say, but i know when it comes to tmr when i wake up, this post will become a "nothing" cus i will be back to a "hahaha" person that normally, i wudnt go tink of all these. instead i appear to be a happy go lucky person. perhaps this is another side of me that people usually dunt see unless i really have a heart to heart session with them.
you know, in this generation, it is really hard to find one person that totally understand huw you feel, what are you thinking even without being told. its even harder to find someone that you can really entrust all your secrets to and someone that will be there for you all the time ? everyone or rather, that particular someone that will be there for you, cant always be by your side twenty four hours right ? cus he or she will be busy with their own stuffs too right ? but i really wish i have this twin of mine that i'll always have her no matter what ? we'll go everywhere tgt, do everything tgt. just the both of us on the same bed sharing our problems and lending a listening ear, a shoulder. the most important thing is that this twin of mine will never judge me or backstab me.
i dunt tink i will ever get to find this twin of mine. thats so sadd )):
friendship is something to be treasured and cherish, speaking equals to nothing. only actions will prove it all. sighs. sometimes i really find it so hard to get my friends to come out that i dunt even wanto try anymore. i just give up and wait for em to contact me instead. it takes two hands to clap, if the other hand dussen wanto put in the effort, the other hand will definitely get tired and eventually break off. at times, i really feel that im being make used by my friends or either that, im only remembered by em out of the sudden. i was thinking, will people miss me if im gone, disappearing for awhile. i think even if they miss, they are only missing the feeling that they have someones accompany when they cannot find anyone. hahas.
i took two hours to type all the above out. haha. amazing right ? i always ended up sleeping damn late because of blogging. hahaha. my complexion is getting real bad w mosquito bites and more mosquito bites. hurrr.
valentine is around the corner. i want a special valentine this year. but doubt i'll have any dates, as usual. )): i was planning my schedule for next week and i actually scheduled myself on tuesday not knowing the date. but lucky i was pretty alert so i realised and i cancelled it and my manager went "VALENTINE DAY WORK LA" but obviously i wudnt want to spoil such a day by working, i rather spend it w my friends. (hopefully !)
im feeling abit mixed now. i think i shouldnt look back and dwell on the past. so what if there is regrets ? i cant do anything now either and i'll only end up dragging more people into it, making things even more difficult and complicated for myself. i should just leave things as it is now and shut myself up otherwise i'll pull people down with me only. haha. as long as i have a heart, everything shall remain silence and the way it is. cus i knw if things might just change, i may not be able to handle the situation becus a soft spot will always be there and i wudnt bear to throw everything i had in me, away. and all these feelgs inside will eventually lead to everyones unhappiness and suffers only. i cannot be so mean okay ? hahas.
i spend another fourty mins typing the two paragraph above. hahas. which makes it o450 now. gudnight. (:
one more day to coffin day.
2:10:00 AM
